


Steve Rogers Has an Epiphany

by franki_stein



Series: Everyone Loves Everyone [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, I wrote this thing years ago tbh, M/M, Peggy Carter owns my ass, Polyamory, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Understanding Peggy Carter, but not as an insult, but only for a scene or two, queer is used
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 01:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15984317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franki_stein/pseuds/franki_stein
Summary: Steve Rogers loves Peggy Carter. He also loves Bucky Barnes.





	Steve Rogers Has an Epiphany

Steve loves Peggy Carter.

It doesn't take him long to figure it out. She's beautiful and strong and brunette, Steve doesn’t know it yet but he has a thing for brunettes. She talks him up and he responds. He's flimsy with his flirtatious banter but she kindly guides him through it.

Before the serum it's mostly business. Steve shares his experiences, or lack there of, with girls. Their relationship grows from that of friendship/mutual pining to eventually them kissing for the first time before Steve does something stupidly self sacrificing.

This isn't Steve's first kiss, he's kissed other girls before. But the only other kiss that measures up to this kiss was one he didn't share with another girl.

Steve also realizes he loves Bucky Barnes.

This takes him longer than it did with Peggy. Early in their childhood they stuck together, nothing could separate them. Not even big bad bullies in alleyways that picked on people five times smaller than them and this kid that would never run away from a fight. They looked after each other, making sure they both were content and healthy. They cared about each other so much it was an overwhelming feeling for both of them. Their connection was something strong and unforgettable.

Steve knew his feelings, he was aware of the attraction he had for his best friend, he just wasn't ready to admit it to anyone yet. Maybe not even himself.

Before either of them got to the war, they lived in a cheap little apartment with one room and half a kitchen. It was easy enough to keep up with rent and survive, Winnifred refused to let either of them go a day without a proper meal, Steve sold his art and while the pay wasn't excellent, it was enough to pay for some bills and his art classes, Bucky had a job at the diner a few blocks down from their building. All around, they had a pretty good set up.

Some days, Bucky didn't have to work and Steve was (mostly) caught up on his art, and they either stayed at home, listening to the radio and cooling down, going out to dances or down to Coney Island, or they went to baseball games. Today was one of the days where they were staying home, it was in the middle of winter and Bucky, being the caring best friend he is, was worried about Steve who usually got quickly ill during this time.

They were lucky this past couple of weeks. It had been the worst of it and other than a few coughing fits and short fevers, Steve had survived. But Bucky was still stressing over it. Steve had promised that he was fine, and that Bucky should be doing something fun and not worrying about his little friend with bad health.

"But you're more than just "my little friend" you asshole, you know that." Bucky had said sitting next to Steve on their short sofa that was torn at the seams, but comfy enough.

"Yeah sure, but still you should be able to go out, I'll be fine here, you and I both know if I were to come along I would be having a coughing fit not fifteen minutes away from the door."

Bucky gave Steve a look that said he wasn't about to go anywhere without him. Steve would be doing the same thing.

They sat, and sat, listening to the music that traveled from the radio to their ears. Steve was curled up, a drawing pad in his lap and furrowed brows in concentration on his face. His pencil only touched the page every so often. Bucky had his head leaning on the back of the couch, eyes closed, and his fingers tapping on the pillow in his lap to whatever Blues song was on.

Something about an empty bed and buying a coffee grinder

"Hey Steve? Can I ask you somethin?"

"'Course, anything." Neither of them had moved an inch but communicated just as well.

Bucky's face contorted into weird expressions of confusion to contemplation. After Bucky hadn't continued for a few solid minutes, Steve had looked away from his page to see why Bucky hadn't asked him anything yet.

"You okay Buck?" He asked, touching Bucky's arm lightly to get his attention, he had been staring at the ceiling, a scary blank expression.

Bessie Smith sang in the background, her new man had left her, just a room and an empty bed.

Bucky cleared his throat, "yeah, yeah I'm good. Forget about it, I'm gonna make something to eat. Want something?" He jumped from the couch and got to the kitchen in what seemed like three large steps.

"Um, I'm fine. Are you sure you're okay? I've never seen you leave the couch so fast." Steve chuckled lightly. He looked to Bucky from the couch, there was a doorway and a large part of the wall from the kitchen cut out to connect the two rooms. Bucky was chewing on his lower lip, looking frustrated. A habit, which Steve up until now had appreciated. Steve was worried, a little curious, but knew not to push it. If Bucky wanted to tell him he would.

"I'm good Pansy, promise." He smiled to Steve, all traces of frustration gone from his face. Steve knew better, that Bucky could smile through anything, but he still would be feeling something under all that.

Steve looked back to his drawing while Bucky rifled through the kitchen. About fifteen minutes ticked by when Bucky plopped himself back onto the couch.

"Okay Steve, I need your honest opinion and a promise not to feel different about me afterwards."

Steve looked to Bucky, who was staring intently at Steve. There was a softness to his eyes that constructed worry in Steve's chest. With Bucky it could be next to anything. Bucky's face was inches away from Steve's. He could feel Bucky's breath on his nose. He could feel his own heartbeat in his ear drums.

"Bucky," he paused, "whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. You don't have to worry about me feeling any type of way. Just tell me what you need to and then we can deal with it." He placed his hand comfortingly on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky looked to Steve's hand and chewed on his lip.

He sat back a little, taking a deep breath.

"You remember our friend from awhile back? We met her at that dance place, her name was Freddie?"

Steve nodded, they had met her at an underground bar, she invited them to hang out with her and her partner. At first Steve and Bucky didn't exactly know what she meant by that, but then she introduced them to Leslie, her girlfriend.

"What about her? Has she phoned? Is everything okay?" Steve asked all very fast.

"No, um, I was just gonna ask you if, it bothered you at all." Steve's eyebrows came together. He was surprised that Bucky's voice was so shaken.

"Her and Leslie? Why would they bother me? You know they're just as fine as you getting with some girl, at least they love each other." Steve got a bit defensive, he knew why but has yet to admit it to himself. He thinks about it everyday but has yet to come to a conclusion about who he actually is.

"I was just, wondering how you felt because you know, not everyone's okay with it." Bucky scratched the back of his neck. Steve looked at Bucky with caution, he had no idea where this conversation was going.

"I mean have you ever thought about doing that?" Bucky asked, eyes on Steve.

"Bein a lesbian?" Steve joked, Bucky sighed.

"No no, like," Bucky's voice got low, "bein a queer?"

Steve looked to Bucky startled, he hadn't expected a question like that.

"I don't think they liked to be called that Buck." Steve's eyebrows tightly scrunched on his forehead.

"And Freddie said it doesn't necessarily happen like that. She said you're born that way."

"You're right," he said quickly, running his fingers through his hair. Steve had never ever seen him so antsy. Bucky was supposed to be the chill one. "The thing is Pansy, is that I have. I've thought about kissing another man and it honestly freaks me the fuck out."

Steve's eyebrows were no longer tightly furrowed in confusing but now high on his forehead in surprise.

"Well, Freddie said its normal to want to try new things, to explore things like that. She told me it was healthy, that you shouldn't push down those feelings because it'll make you feel all angry and resentful." Steve said carefully.

"She's right, sometimes I hate that I feel this way. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. I fucking hate it Stevie." He stopped looking at Steve and started staring at the ground. Steve knew what he felt, he felt it himself many times before. Steve moved around so he was closer to Bucky and put his arms around him in hopes of comfort. Bucky smiled.

"So do you just like men or do you like girls too?" Steve asked to open the conversation up again, to get Bucky talking and maybe it'll help him figure things out. It definitely helped Steve himself when Freddie offered her advice when he asked. Bucky looked to Steve again.

"You know I'm not real sure. I don't think I have that part figured out. I talked to Leslie for a bit, asked some questions and she said that it's okay not to know right away, that you can't know everything all at once. Also that this sexuality stuff is fluid, it doesn't necessarily change but you can find out different things about yourself at different times."

Bucky's eyes met Steve's at some point while he was talking and he didn't seem to want to look away.

"You know, you didn't answer my question from earlier. Whether you've ever thought about it."

Steve was taken aback, he didn't remember such a question. He thought about his next words very carefully, he's thought about it for ages now, sometimes subconsciously. He didn’t want to say it at first but then it just kind of, came out.

"Well I uh, I have. I just didn't know the man I wanted to kiss had thought about it too."

He could feel his heart beat in his chest and he wasn't sure what he should do with his sweaty hands.

"Aw come on Rogers, you don't mean me do ya?" Bucky smirked at him.

"Maybe I do." Steve said firmly, he didn't have to be scared of what he felt.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Bucky's face inched closer to Steve's.

"I'm waiting for him to quit bein shy and just kiss me." They were mere centimeters apart and their voices got lower and lower.

"Shy? You're the one with cherry red cheeks Pansy boy." Bucky basically whispered.

"Well are you going to or no-"

Steve's statement was interrupted with Bucky's lips softly landing on his. Their mouths working together to create a sensation neither had felt before.

Steve and Bucky kissed a lot more. They kissed and did other stuff too. Careful and quiet, the apartment walls were quite thin. They weren't in love each other, or they just didn't know what that meant yet. They kissed and did other stuff. Sometimes they kissed other people. Bucky would kiss other boys and go out with them and Steve was okay with it. Steve would dance with Bucky at underground dancing halls and hang out places. If he attracted other people they would come dance with him and Bucky let them.

 

When Bucky was drafted and after Steve found him strapped to a table, they spent some time catching up. Bucky asked about the serum, what it did, if he was like cured of all his sickness or something. Steve told him everything he knew about it and everything Dr Erksine had said. Bucky told him about his experience as a soldier, the battles he's fought and won, the people he's met.

"I met these really fine group of fellas, they've probably saved my life more times than I could count." He chuckled, "and they're all really funny."

They were under a tent and it was raining, they had to leave in a few hours but they were using it to talk and smile at each other.

"I'm really glad you made friends Bucky, the apartment had been so quiet without you. Thankfully." He leaned against Bucky's shoulder and Bucky's lips turned up and got wide.

"Yeah right Pansy boy, I bet you were all sad that I wasn't there to make you sandwiches" he put his arm around Steve's shoulders and put his cold face on Steve's neck and rubbed his wet nose like a dog.

Steve scoffed, "sure doll face, I can make my own sandwiches just fine." he let Bucky nuzzle into his neck and breathe him in. "I missed you pansy."

"Can I still call you that?" Bucky leaned back but stayed close to Steve. "Pretty pansy? You're all big and buff now, you gonna feel weird with me saying that to you?" Bucky left his hand on Steve's shoulders.

Steve shrugged, "won't bother me none, long as I can still call you doll face, Doll Face." They both laughed with their eyes crinkled.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other with fond looks. Steve searched Bucky's face for something, he wasn't exactly sure what but he finds it. Every time he looks at Bucky he sees something and it's like his mind relaxes, he feels like he can breathe. When he looks at Bucky it's like he finds a sense of comfort, a sense of acceptance. He can't really pinpoint what it is, but he knows he feels it when he finds it. He thinks it's something within Bucky's eyes.

"There's someone I met that I think you should meet. Her name's Peggy, she's amazing." He brings her up in a way that's casual, but Bucky knows that look like he knows every single curve and dimple on Steve's body.

He felt a slightly painful tingle in his chest, he wasn't sure what it was but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the way Steve was smiling at him.

"What's she like?" Bucky leaned his head onto Steve's shoulder and Steve let his rest against Bucky's.

"A lot like you actually. All large and in charge, doesn’t take shit from anybody, really strong willed and when she wants something she just goes and gets it and doesn’t let anyone get in her way. Really intelligent."

"Seems like you got her all figured out."

Steve sighed, "I actually don’t, at all. There's a mysterious air around her that I can't get through. She can keep a secret like you can, scarily enough."

"That's where your wrong Pretty boy, I couldn't keep a secret from you if my life counted on it. You have one of those sweet, trusting faces."

He lifted his head to look at Steve's eyes, see if he could feel what Steve was feeling for this lady through eye contact. Suddenly Steve turned his face to look around before leaning in and kissing Bucky quickly on the lips. A chaste movement that carried a load of affection.

Bucky's eyes stayed closed for a moment longer.

"What was that for?" he asked, opening his eyes.

"I just, wanted to see if it felt any different." Steve said slowly, like he wasn’t sure.

"And?" Bucky looked at Steve expectantly, a soft haze of worry clouding his eyes.

Steve smirked, "your lips are more dry than they used to be."

Bucky scoffed, "well lip balm doesn’t seem so much as a necessity anymore when you have to worry about being shot at."

Steve was quiet for a minute. "Did it feel different to you?"

Bucky shook his head, "not at all, other than the fact that you could've easily knocked me over if I hadn't held onto the tent pole behind you. You're a lot stronger now. Every time I look at you it’s a shock." He looked all the way up and down Steve's body, "I'm gonna miss being able to toss you around and carrying you to bed."

Steve flushed pink and hit Bucky's arm, "you cant talk like that here, someone's gonna hear you."

"You started it, kissin' me up like that. Plus, you'd be surprised at the amount of people like us that are here." Bucky hadn't moved his arm from where it sat on Steve's shoulders, he lowered it to Steve's hip.

"Have you met them?" Steve asked curiously.

"Yeah, I'll tell you about them sometime."

"Why not now?"

Bucky pulled himself and Steve to their feet.

"I have other plans for us Pretty boy."

Steve looked down at Bucky (which was still weird for both of them) like a lost puppy, his head slightly tilted.

"You're gonna meet the Howling Commandos."

Once Steve had formally met the men he saved, he told Bucky it was his turn to meet someone.

"Agent Carter, meet by best bud, James Barnes."

Bucky reached his hand out to shake Peggy's, "Bucky will do just fine, he's being all formal for no reason."

Bucky lightly elbowed Steve's side and Peggy smiled firmly at Bucky, but somehow managed to keep her eyesight clearly on Steve.

"Nice to meet you James."

"Same to you." He looked to Steve, then to Peggy, and back to Steve. He saw that he seemed to be invisible between them.

"Alright Pretty boy I'll give you a minute with the lady, seems you've had enough of me today. I'll be with Dum Dum if ya need me."

He sauntered off to find out where they had gone when Steve caught up to him.

"So? Do you like her?" Steve asked, not even out of breath from running to Bucky.

"She's beautiful Rogers, but I don't think you need my confirmation on that."

"Right, I just wanted to know your impression of her, your opinion is important to me." Steve stopped Bucky's walking with just a slight hand on his shoulder. Bucky looked intently at Steve.

"Do you like her?" Bucky asked pointedly.

"Well yeah, of course I do." Steve said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Do you like her the way you like me?" Bucky whispered calmly but with a hidden edge of uncertainty, like he wasn't sure what to expect or if he even should ask.

Steve wasn’t sure what the answer to that was, he didn’t even know how to begin figuring out if he did. He needed to think, and calm his heart rate. He needed a drink and a silent place to question everything.

"I- I don't know Bucky." Steve's hand fell from Bucky's shoulder and Bucky caught it with his hand.

"It's okay if you do Steve, I shouldn’t have put all that on you at once, I'm sorry. Take some time to think about what you're feeling. Don’t take too long though, we have a war to win." Bucky smiled and winked, let go of Steve's hand but not before giving it a comforting squeeze. He walked off, leaving Steve to think a lot about everything he just said.

 

Months later, and the war is still not won. Steve has assembled his team and they've taken out many Hydra bases. He's thought about what Bucky said that day and while he's still confused, he's got some kind of understanding of what his feelings are. He's got a compass with Peggy's profile, and by his side he has Bucky. Both always there, in some form. And Steve loves both of them.

Maybe he loves them in different ways, or doesn't know how to connect to his feelings well enough to understand them quite yet. But he knows that he doesn’t love one more than the other. He wants to tell them both that they are so important to him and he couldn’t stand to lose either of them. He wants to explain it to Peggy in a way that she will hopefully understand. Bucky already knows, somewhat. They've always been open with their affection towards each other and other people.

At first, he thinks he should tell them separately. Then he realizes that he wouldn’t be able to choose who to tell first. The guy he's loved since early adulthood and trusts with his life or the girl he's fallen so fast for and is so attracted to. He rationalizes and decides to tell them at the same time. It takes him weeks to think of the right words to use, and then another month to be able to get just the three of them in one place alone.

They're sitting in an empty file room. Peggy thinks they could use their time more wisely and is confused to as to why they're in a cramped room that has no use to them. Bucky knows exactly why they're here, Steve hasn’t said a word yet but he's waited months to hear what Steve has to say.

They both look at Steve with expectancy. Steve takes a deep breath, he's thought of the words so many times but now he's suddenly searching for what to say. He's scared and unsure, his mind is buzzing with all the ways this could go wrong and he feels his throat closing up and suddenly his eyes are filled with tears.

"Sorry," he said under his breath. He puts his head in his hands and tries to breathe.

Both Peggy and Bucky look at each other with wide eyes. Peggy's so confused she doesn't know what to do, and that doesn’t happen often.

Bucky puts his hand on Steve's back, "hey pansy, nothing to cry over. Just tell us what you need to. We both care about you very much and just want the best for you." He looks to Peggy to communicate that this is going to help. She understands and nods.

"Yes," she begins, "yes we both love you and don’t want you to feel like this. If you need us to know something you can tell us. I'm not going to leave you, or judge you. And neither is James here, I know he cares very deeply for you and he is your best friend. We are both here for you." She says hoping it'll help but not too sure.

Steve tries to say it through shaking breath, "I- I love you. I'm in love, with both of you." He sits back up slowly looking at both of them. They both smile at him.

"Was that so hard Pansy?" Bucky cups his face and looks at him softly.

Steve smiles into Bucky's hand before turning to face Peggy, worried about her reaction.

She looked confused but not angry or negative.

"Peg?" Steve whispered.

She opened her mouth then shut it again. She laid her hand on Steve's.

"You're heart is too big to just be confined to one love. I don't completely understand but I'll learn, it's okay. I am very happy you have decided to share this part of you with me. I always knew there was something special about you Steve." She smiled sweetly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Plus, I knew you were attracted to men the minute I met you. Takes one to know one and all that." She winked. "I've had my fair share of same sex lovers, and while all of society isn't quite ready for it there will come a day boys, where we won't stand for unfair treatment."

"Rogers, I think I might be in love with her too." Bucky joked.

"Shut it Dollface, we both know she's way outta your league." Steve joked back.

"I want compensation for that comment." Bucky said with a smirk.

"God how am I going to deal with both of you?"

"Dunno Carter, but I'm sure you'll figure it out." Bucky put his arm around Steve "we better find Philips and see where the hell he's gonna send us next."

"He's right. You'll need to prepare." Peggy said standing up, "Come on, both of you, we'll be able to talk more later. Figure out things better. For now," she kissed both boys on their cheeks, "for good luck." She smiled and left the file room.

"I'm so proud of you Pansy." Bucky smiled brightly at Steve before repeating Peggy's actions and kissing him on the cheek, and leaving Steve to stand there smiling to himself.

 

That night, Steve, Buck and the Howling Commandos slept in an undersized tent surrounded by snow mountains. Bucky and Steve are wrapped around each other like two snakes braided together, whispering statements quietly so that no one else will hear. Tomorrow, Bucky will fall off a train and everyone will mourn. But Steve will cry, try to get drunk, and feel like a piece of himself has died. Peggy will try to comfort but know she is no good.

Days later, Peggy and Steve share a kiss, and Steve lands a plane at the bottom of the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> This thing has been in my notes app for almost two years. I needed it out of there, anyway this is the beginning of a series,,,, a long and thick series that i have been working on forever and i am so sorry about the ending but I promise they come back. also just,,, go with the flow for me on the timeline and what's canon and whats not, this one is heavily dependent on the mcu but after this, its pretty much all AU. that is all thank u for reading :) yell @ me in the comments if u want :))


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